Telling the truth is dangerous business

Last week, Ishtar, one of my all time favorite movies, was brought to mind when one of my bosses made the statement ‘I am not going to be popular for a couple of weeks.’ When the choice of telling the truth or being popular is presented to me, the theme song from Ishtar, Dangerous Business, always starts to play in my head.

Telling the truth can be dangerous business.
Honest and popular don't go hand in hand.
If you admit that you can play the accordion,
No one'll hire you in a rock 'n' roll band.

But we can siiinnnngggggg . . . our hearts out (all night)
And if we're lucky, then no neighbors complain.
Nobody knows where the beginning part starts out (sing all right)
But being human we can live with the pain.

Because life is the way we audition for God;
Let us pray that we all get the job.

I’ve often wondered why I was one of the few people that liked Ishtar. I know I went to the theater expecting great performances from Hoffman and Beatty. I sat there mesmerized by the characters they portrayed, stiff, clumsy, desperate, and down right irritating, nothing like the actors I knew. I am not going to apologize that I easily find humor in life. If you don’t find it humorous that an American could believe they could go to a Middle East market, find one guy named Mohammed and buy a blind camel, then I think you are talking life to seriously. So I laughed out loud at the theater. But I think I also cried. I saw too much of myself in the film. Was this what it would look like if I really tried to live out my dream? Would my life look this pathetic?

During a PBS pledge break this weekend a British actor was explaining what he thought the difference between American and British humor was. In British comedy the audience wants to laugh ‘at’ the actors’ situation, while American audiences want to laugh ‘with’ the actors’ situation. This sums up what’s wrong with Ishtar. No one wants to identify with Lyle and Clarke. No one wants to live their dream and proudly say like Lyle did to Clarke,

It takes a lot of nerve to have nothing at your age, don't you understand that? Most guys'd be ashamed, but you've got the guts to just say 'to hell with it'. You say that you'd rather have nothing than settle for less, understand?

That was a message from the film that I didn’t want to lose, that living my dream, even if it meant failure to the world, should be the most important thing to me. I was thrilled when I found the file in my Columba Video club catalogue, and ordered it right away. I wanted to remember to live my dream.

Unfortunately, it turned out that I didn’t ‘have the nerve to have nothing at my age’. The video and most of my dreams sat on a shelf for years.

My boss’s comment last week flooded me with memories, so I goggled the song lyrics. I was shocked to find an Ishtar presence on the web and it kind of restored my faith in my dream. It made me pull my video out and watch the magic again. Hey, I might even be interested in arranging a fan convention, but only if I can sit between Dustin and Warren at the banquet.

I didn’t get to mention Charles Grogin’s excellent portrayal of a CIA agent, or the film’s 1987 Middle East political overtones, or even how bad music can bring people together.

Elaine May has said “If all of the people who hate Ishtar had seen it, I would be a rich woman today." She learned that most of us don’t want to be reminded that we are ‘leading lives of quiet desperation.’ It turns out that telling the truth is dangerous business.

My Journey Introduction

In December, 2002, my routine mammagram revealed a 'sinsiter' spot that was really a stage 2 tumor. Two lumpectomies removed all the cancer. But just to be sure, there were 9 months of chemo and radiation treatments that were intended to seek out and destroy any cancer cells left in my body. This was followed by 5 years of drugs to block the production of evil, but very necessary estrogen. I have 13 more months of this cancer breaking therapy.

At the year's end, I will have 5 years of being cancer free. While that sounds like a good thing, doubts fill my days. There was my life. There was the cancer. Now there is a wilderness.

The 'cocktail' of chemo drugs created more havoc in my life than just eliminating the radical cells. Somewhere in those days of confusion and nausea, my soul's foundation was shaken. All of the false premises and roles, that I had built my adult life around, were broken and split into nothing more than sand piles. I was left in this wilderness with someone I had forgotten, Me. This is my journey out of this wasteland.

May 30, 2007 Empowered or in darkness

Recently, I was reading 1 Samuel 16 in THE MESSAGE where God sends Samual to anoint a new king, David. Even though this is a familiar story, Peterson's translation spoke directly to my heart. These words from verse 16 sparked a great desire in my heart:
Samuel took his flask of oil and anointed him, with his brothers standing around watching. The Spirit of GOD entered David like a rush of wind, God vitally empowering him for the rest of his life. Samuel left and went home to Ramah.
I stopped reading for a moment and whispered a silent prayer, 'Lord, how I long to have your Spirit fill me like a rush of wind.' I closed my eyes and began to breath deep into my abdomen, wondering what it might feel like to be so full of God's spirit. Briefly, my skin almost tingled to the point that the hair on my arms was standing up, as I imagined how God's energy would radiate through every organ, every cell. An energy that would empower me vitally for the rest of my life. I looked into the glowing, ruddy, face of the young David, so full of hope. I saw how much of himself he had emptied to be so filled by God's Spirit. With the abrupt reality of David's true offering, my vision was gone.
Shaking it off, I reluctantly returned to the pages of my Bible, looking for encouragement. Instead, I found discouragment in the next verse (14-15):
At that very moment the Spirit of GOD left Saul and in its place a black mood sent by GOD settled on him. He was terrified. Saul's advisors said, "This awful tormenting depression from God is making your life miserable."
I don't have to visualize the black mood that was terrifing Saul. It is a daily reality for me. It is black and terrifing. It is tiring. It torments me making my life miserable. And that voice that waits for any opportunity to intervene, was there, twisting the Word, saying 'God has left you. He is responsible for your depression. He is the reason you can't escape the darkness.'
Could it be true that God has left me? Have I turned from Him like Saul did? Wait, I know this. It is an old tape of mine. 'God has seen something evil in me that no one else can see. God knows the real me and finds me lacking. I am unworthy of the good things in life.'
It seems so real because there are elements of truth in it. The truth is that God does know the real me, but the tape leaves out the real truth, nevertheless, He loves me anyway. The problem is I intellectually understand this truth, but in my heart, I haven't been able to let it go.
David was ready at a few drops of oil to be completely opened to God's will and Spirit. Somewhere in the midst of the chemo treatments, I was able to emptied myself and turn my body over to God. I was able to rest in His healing. But just as quick, the tapes began and in losing hope, I was engulfed by the darkness.
Dear Father,
I thought I knew what it meant to give myself to Your will. I know that I have recognized that I don't know how to make my body work. But I just can't let go of me yet. I think I need that control. Father, I need you to help me. I long to have your Spirit fill me, but I know for that to be true, I have to empty myself. That terrifies me. Evidently more than the darkness frightens me. Give me the courage to take the training wheels off and step into your Glorious Light.Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright @1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permisssion of NavPress Publishing Group